the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
