He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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