I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
