Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
