God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
