I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
