i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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