my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
