There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my poor anus
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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