i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
