I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
