She's JV to your varsity
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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