cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
