Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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