also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
