Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
