Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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