you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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