I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
