god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
