My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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