Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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