He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
