I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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