btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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