a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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