I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
