i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
