he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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