wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
