No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
