You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
