i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
