I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
