what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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