1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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