so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
