Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
