woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
