Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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