ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
