If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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