"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
