Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
