So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
