I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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