Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
