so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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