Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
