Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
