So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
