Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
