Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I supernannyed him into submission
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
