big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
