I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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