i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
COCAINE IS GR8
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
