just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
