When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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