I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
