just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
