Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i now understand why vodka
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
