And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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