I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
