Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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