my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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