and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
