pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
