He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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