Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
