I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
