so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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