Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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