my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
