i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
