I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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