My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
