I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
