Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize