Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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