Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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