Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
