I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
