my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize