If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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