I think I died a long time ago.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
