Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
