im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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